


Lost and Found

by SzonKlin



Series: Halcyon [13]
Category: The Halcyon (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, M/M, trigger warning in the A/N a the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 15:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20837606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SzonKlin/pseuds/SzonKlin
Summary: 12 years after Emma abruptly disappeared from Freddie's life, he still has a sense of unfinished business that prevents him from moving on.





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, I woke up with this idea, spent the whole day writing, and now here it is. As usual, it is unbetaed, with even less editing than usual. I'll reread it ina few days, in the meantime let me know if there are any errors! And now, enjoy!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: This fic contains discussions of abortion. If you want details about it, ask in the comments!

Freddie smiled as he looked around the kids’ lounge. The new supervisor, Anne, seemed to have the whole room under her spell, a welcome change after the last one who sent more than one kid back to their parents crying during her brief stay at the hotel.

Anne was reading from some book about an orphanage, but she read it with such enthusiasm that the older kids could enjoy the story without thinking about the depressing set and the younger kids seemed to love the voices and faces she did while reading. She caught Freddie’s eyes and sent him a smile without a pause in her story. Freddie smiled back then looked away, not wanting to give the impression that he was flirting. Anne was sweet and good with kids, but she was a little too sweet for Freddie, who preferred women who were a little firmer. Toby would say that Freddie was just being picky, measuring everyone to an ideal based on someone he knew as a kid, but Freddie decided that someone who married his first love wasn’t one to talk.

Distracted by his musings, it took a while for Freddie to spot his target, a little girl hidden behind an enormous book, held upside down and studied with a concentration that should have been far beyond an 18-month-old. Freddie skirted around the room, careful not to disturb the storytelling and picked up the tiny scholar. As soon as she realized she was being held, the little girl squealed in delight, threw her chubby arms around Freddie’s neck and planted a large, wet kiss on his cheek then launched into an excited babble. Freddie shot an apologetic smile in the direction of Anne and started to walk out the room, when he spotted a child who was standing by the door, staring at Freddie instead of listening to the story. There was something familiar about her that Freddie couldn’t place. Of course he might have seen her around the hotel before but something felt different about her. She had thick, strawberry blonde hair that was puled back in a messy plait running down her back. Her large brown eyes flickered inquisitively between Freddie and the little girl in his arms. She was scrawny, and seemed to be around nine years old, but her face seemed much too serious for her age.

In no particular hurry, Freddie approached the girl.

“Hello there,” he greeted her in a friendly manner.

“Hi,” the girl replied after looking Freddie over once again. Then after another moment she added, “I’m Haley.”

“Nice to meet you, Haley. I’m Freddie Hamilton, and this is Dana,” she nodded towards the baby in his arms, who seemed to beam even brighter at hearing her name.

“I know who you are,” the girl announced. “Is she your daughter?” she eyed the dark-skinned baby sceptically.

“No, she is my niece.”

“Oh,” Haley replied, her brows furrowing. “Do you have children?”

“No, I don’t. I’m not married.”

“You don’t have to be married to have kids. My mom isn’t married,” she explained.

“You are right,” Freddie agreed, still smiling at Haley, while he tried to place where she was familiar from. She had an American accent and Freddie didn’t know many Americans, but the tone of her voice and the confidence with which she spoke reminded Freddie of someone, he just couldn’t say who. “But I don’t have any kids.”

“You are probably too busy with the hotel to have kids anyway,” she replied morosely.

“My brother and brother-in-law do as much around the hotel as I do and they still have Dana,” Freddie protested, surprising even himself. He didn’t know why he was explaining his life choices to an unknown child.

“Your brother has a husband?” she stared. Then, before Freddie would have had a chance to reply she continued, “That’s cool. Joe had a boyfriend once too.” Freddie sighed in relief. He didn’t want to get into a debate with a child whose parents taught her that two men shouldn’t be together. The Halcyon never made a secret of the fact that it was partially owned and run by a gay couple, they even had a family portrait in the reception area featuring Mrs. Hamilton, Freddie, and the Hamilton-Joshis, painted shortly after Dana was adopted but they still had homophobic guests staying from time to time. Of course, their stay was promptly terminated if they tried to make any trouble, but it was hardly something to be taken up with a child.

Haley just watched him for a while, before finally stating. “You simply must not like children then.”

“But I do. I like kids,” Freddie assured her, while he shifted Dana in his arms as she started to drift off to sleep. “I just never got the chance,” he explained, then, anxious to change the topic he added, “Don’t you want to listen to the story?”

“Oh, I already read the book,” she claimed. “It is one of my favorites. It’s about children like me.”

“What do you mean?” Freddie asked, happy that they seemed to leave the topic of his childlessness behind.

“It’s about children whose parents didn’t want them, like my father didn’t want me.”

“What?” Freddie asked in surprise.

Haley didn’t reply, but she looked at Freddie with so much pain in her eyes that he felt an irresistible urge to reassure her.

“I can’t think why,” Freddie smiled while his heart broke for Haley. “You seem like a great kid, I think anyone would be lucky to be your father.”

However, that seemed to be the wrong thing to say, because it made Haley’s eyes well up in tears and bolt for the door. One of the attendants moved to grab her, as no kid was supposed to leave the kids’ lounge without adult supervision, but Freddie waved her off and rushed after Haley.

He just stepped outside when a sharp voice shouted “Haley!” and Freddie’s feet stuck to the ground, his mouth falling open as he saw to whom the voice belonged to.

***

Toby was flipping through the guestbook as he waited for his husband to wrap up the impromptu meeting he called with the lounge and restaurant staff he was managing and for Freddie to collect Dana so the four of them could go to the park to enjoy one of the rare warm summer afternoons, when a commotion at the door drew his attention.

It took Toby a moment to place the woman who was looking around the reception area while talking to Feldman, the elderly doorman, but when he did, his face lit up in delighted surprise.

“Emma,” he called across the hall and strode to her.

Emma’s eyes jumped to him and relief washed over her face for a second and she rushed to him.

“Toby! Is she here?” she asked, her voice begging.

“Who?” Toby asked in confusion, taking in her frazzled looks. “Is everything okay?”

“Haley! Is she here? We only went to the store but when we got back she was gone. She left a note that she was coming here but she doesn’t know the city and she might have gotten lost, and…”

“Emma, calm down, let me help!” Toby said, his voice steady and reassuring. “Who is Haley?”

“Haley is my daughter. I shouldn’t have left her alone but she never did anything like this before. Oh God she isn’t here is she? She must have gotten lost! She must be so scared.”

“Emma, Emma!” Toby’s voice was almost commanding as he tried to cut through Emma’s panic. Growing up, managing a hotel for 8 years, and having his own family to look after gave Toby a lot of skills to manage his anxiety and taught him that in times of crisis it was much more helpful to remain calm and logical. “She might have come here and went to the kids’ lounge. The attendants there might not notice that she is not one of the guests here so they might not have reported it, but they wouldn’t let her just walk out, let me check if she is there, and Adil will grab you a glass of water,” Toby said, glancing towards his husband who entered just in time to see the scene and then retreated without a word for the requested drink.

Toby started leading Emma towards the kids’ lounge but before they could have gotten far, the door swung open and out stormed a little girl who looked enough like Emma to let Toby know she must have been Haley. Freddie was hot on her heel, carrying a frightened looking Dana.

“Haley!” Emma screamed and ran to her daughter, crouching down to hug her before pulling back to run her eyes and hands all over her as if looking for any sign of harm. “Haley, are you okay? What were you thinking? Never do anything like that again, you hear me? We were so worried!”

Almost on cue, the entrance door opened again and in marched Joe, rushing to the two women. “Haley, darling!” he said, kneeling by them to be at eye level with them. “I’m so happy you are okay,” he added as he put a comforting hand on Emma’s back.

“Stop it!” Haley stomped, pulling away from the duo. “Don’t act like you care!” she screamed. “You lied to me! He doesn’t even know I exist!”

At that, Emma’s eyes flicked to Freddie, the first sign of her noticing him. It was a quick movement, but it was enough for Toby to understand the situation. His suspicion was confirmed with a glance at the familiar brown eyes looking defiantly from the unfamiliar face.

Conscious of the scene they were already making, he moved to Freddie to take Dana from him as he said to the trio, “Why don’t you go to the office? You can talk there in private. Freddie will take you some refreshments.”

That seemed to help Emma collect herself somewhat. “We’ll do that,” she said and with that she stood, grabbing Haley’s hand and steering her and Joe towards the offices she must have remembered from her childhood.

Toby only had time to ask Freddie if he was okay before Adil turned up with a tray carrying some glasses and a pitcher of water. Toby waved him over and turned to Freddie, “I think you should take that to them.”

Freddie eyed the door leading to the offices uncertainly. “I don’t think I should intrude. It seems like a family moment.”

“I think you should,” Toby replied in a definite enough tone that Freddie reluctantly took the tray and walked after their unexpected guests.

As soon as the door closed, Toby turned to Adil, softly rocking the confused little Dana in his arms. “You’ll never believe what just happened, love.”

***

It took a bit of fumbling, but Emma eventually found the manager’s office. She only let go of Haley’s hand once they were all in the room and then she promptly slumped into a chair, hiding her face in her hands, trying to breathe deeply to calm herself. She heard Joe talking to Haley, but she was too shaken up to listen to what he was saying.

The past three months were packed with so many emotional hurdles that she wondered how she hadn’t had a nervous breakdown yet. It all started with her father was killed by an unexpected heart attack in April, only to reveal that he was being treated for a heart condition without telling Emma about it, without giving her a chance to prepare for this possibility. His death meant two things. First, that after twelve years away, she needed to return to England to deal with some of his remaining businesses, and second, she needed to find some new means to support Haley’s medical bills. Haley was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when she was only a toddler, but Mr. Garland’s work as a manager in a hospital gave them access to a level of care that they couldn’t afford with Emma’s fickle income as an event planner and Joe’s modest salary in the dying industry of printed press. This left Emma with the choice of either changing to cheaper means of regulating Haley’s blood sugar, that would be more disruptive to her day to day life, or to swallow her pride and beg the Hamiltons for some sort of help. Of course, there was never a question about which she would choose but it was still hard to return to England.

Haley claimed to be exhausted from the trip, so Emma left her in their hotel room that was so unlike the hotels she was used to when she lived in London as a child while she and Joe went in search of some cheap dinner options and groceries. She wasn’t worried as Haley was a very responsible eleven-year-old and could be trusted to keep herself out of trouble and in her room for an hour. A little walk and Joe’s reassurances helped her calm down only to be thrown back into utter panic upon finding the hotel room empty, with only a note telling them that Haley had gone to the Halcyon. She spent the cabride from their hotel to the Halcyon in such panic over visions of Haley being hurt, getting in an accident, or fainting from low blood sugar that she almost threw up. As soon as the cab slowed down in front of the Halcyon, she bolted out, not caring whether Joe paid the driver or not as she rushed inside. The relief she felt when she finally saw her daughter was almost palpable and she was hardly aware of anything other than Haley until Toby softly guided her to the offices. She barely even noticed Freddie and the baby in his arms until Haley drew her attention to him and she didn’t even put together what it meant until she was sitting there in the office, staring at a picture of Freddie with a sleeping newborn on his lap, fighting back tears so she wouldn’t break down in front of her daughter.

She only became truly aware of her surroundings again when the door opened, and Freddie stepped through.

“I’m sorry to disturb, I just wanted to bring you some water,” Freddie said, barely stepping through the door before stopping.

“No, it’s okay,” Joe replied with a smile. “Come on in, I’m sure you and Emma have a lot to talk about. Come on, Kid, let’s leave the Brits to talk and see if we can find something to eat.”

“I’m also Brit,” Haley grumbled but she followed at the promise of food.

Freddie stepped away from the door to let them leave, then waited as he listened to their footsteps fade outside, studiously ignoring looking at Emma. He only moved when he heard the door at the end of the corridor close. He walked across the room and started fiddling with the books on a shelf with his back to Emma.

“So, you’re back in England,” he finally said without turning. “What are you doing here?”

“Dad passed away here months ago. I came to settle some of the businesses he left behind here,” Emma replied evenly, then drew a huge breath before continuing, “And I need money.”

“I’m sorry to hear. Did he have some lucrative businesses here?”

“Not really. He still had the little flat where we lived. He’s been renting it out but it won’t bring in enough money without a remodelling and we can’t afford that so we want to sell. But it won’t be much. Definitely not enough. In fact I came to ask you,” the last part came out as a whisper but Freddie heard alright. He spun around and stared at Emma, his eyes throwing daggers.

“You what?” Freddie snapped.

“We need money, Freddie. You know I wouldn’t ask if there was any other way, but…”

Freddie didn’t let her finish. His hands curled into fists and it was only all the anger management therapy he did in the past decade that stopped him from advancing on Emma. “You are asking _me _for money? What do you take me for? You disappear for twelve years, without a word, to play happy families with Joe overseas and then have the nerve to ask _me_ to pay for it?”

Not one to back down from a fight, Emma jumped up. “I didn’t disappear to be with Joe!” she screamed back.

“Oh my god, we were only eighteen. Practically kids! Were you with him even before you left? God, you were so mad at me when I commented on him flirting with you, were you really cheating after all?”

“I did not cheat on you with Joe or anyone!” Emma’s volume was rising to match Freddie’s.

“Well, you still made off with him and had a baby down the line so there must have been something!”

“What are you on about? Joe is Haley’s godfather! He is just a friend! He was our only friend when we tried to build a life from nothing in Chicago and my only help in the past three months since dad died!”

“Just how many guys did you date while he watched from the sidelines?”

“What are you talking about? I haven’t been with anyone since you!”

“But, Haley…” Freddie protested, his voice suddenly going quiet. “I don’t understand,” he whispered because he refused to take the explanation that suddenly crossed his mind.

“What about her?” Emma snapped.

“What is she, nine? She isn’t yours either?”

“Of course she isn’t nine, she is eleven, she is just smaller from her illness,” Emma explained with a frown.

“She is ill?” Freddie’s tone went soft at that.

“She has diabetes. That’s why we need the money. I know you wanted nothing to do with her, but I don’t know where else to turn.”

“Look Emma, I’m sure we can…” Freddie started, his mind already working on how to help the girl when it came to a screeching halt as Emma’s earlier words registered. “Wait, she is eleven?!” Freddie asked, his voice rising again, but this time in disbelief. “But that would mean… Emma, who _is_ her father?”

“What do you mean who is her father? Of course it is you! What did you think? That I got an abortion? Oh God,” Emma gasped, “were you the one who told dad to ask if I wanted an abortion?” Emma screamed, rounding the table to stalk up to Freddie, accusation sharp in her eyes.

“What are you talking about? What abortion? You weren’t pregnant when you left me!”

“Of course I was!”

“You were pregnant!” Freddie screamed it as an accusation. “You were pregnant with my baby! I have a child. Haley is mine? How could you not tell me?!”

Freddie’s angry shouting was interrupted by a knock, followed by Toby stepping in the room.

“Is everything alright?” he asked, looking over both Freddie and Emma, taking in their postures, both their faces red from emotion and shouting, both their bodies strung, as if the only thing holding them back from a physical fight were the very last strands of their self-control.

“We’re peachy,” Freddie snapped.

“Freddie,” Toby reprimanded in a tone that suggested deeper meaning, something Emma would have understood a decade ago, having grown up along the twins, but that was beyond her after so much time apart. But Freddie seemed to understand and his posture loosened and he looked at Toby to say “We’ll be fine.”

Toby stared at Freddie for a moment longer before nodding slowly. “I’ll be next door,” he said and left.

This time it was Emma who broke the silence. “You knew I was pregnant. You knew it and you didn’t want the baby. That’s why we left. Because you didn’t want to have a baby with me. So I had to leave,” Emma’s voice vas getting higher and higher and her breathing got quicker and quicker. But she had to speak fast, because maybe then the voice in her head wouldn’t have to tell her the awful truth. “We talked about kids but you always said you weren’t ready. That you didn’t even want to think about having them yet. So when I got pregnant somehow anyway, I was so scared, I didn’t know how to tell you. But dad figured it out. And he offered to talk to you. He told you but you said you didn’t want the baby. He told you and you didn’t want it. _He told you!_” She practically screamed the last part, looking at Freddie with pleading eyes, wordlessly begging him to confirm what she was saying. But Freddie only stared at her in shock.

Emma fell to her knees under the weight of Freddie’s look, muttering, “He told you. Dad told you,” over and over until her tears drowned out her voice and even then, her lips kept moving with her mantra as if she could change the past by saying it enough.

Minutes passed, or hours, or seconds, they didn’t know, before Freddie finally knelt down next to Emma and pulled her in his arms, prompting a fresh wave of tears from her and joining her in her crying, mourning the years they have lost.

Then softly Freddie started to speak into Emma’s hair, unwilling to pull back even a fraction. “Of course I wasn’t ready. Neither of us was. We were eighteen, still figuring out what to study in uni, what to do with our lives. And I didn’t exactly have the best role model for a father. Of course I wasn’t ready. But I would have been. I promise you if I knew we were going to have a baby, I would have been ready. We would have figured things out. And I am ready now. I’m not saying _let’s pick up where we left off_ because too much have happened and too much time has passed. But I want to be part of your life. Yours and Haley’s. Please don’t shut me out again.”

By the end of Freddie’s little speech Emma calmed down somewhat and when Freddie pulled back to look her in the eye when he asked her, she nodded determinedly. She looked at him for a while, fighting the urge to lean in and kiss him, knowing it came from her best hidden dreams over the years and not from any perceived encouragement Freddie might have shown. Eventually she looked away and Freddie let go of her to move to sit on the ground, his back against the bureau. Then he opened his arms in invitation and Emma sat down next to him, leaning her head on the offered shoulder.

“What happened?” Emma finally asked softly.

“I could ask the same,” Freddie laughed softly, with a little – understandable – bitterness. He sighed then started to talk. “I noticed you were acting strange and distant in the last days, but I figured you’d tell me if you wanted to. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to talk about our feelings if it could be avoided. Then you didn’t answer my calls for maybe two days, so I started to get really worried. And then your dad came to me and told me that you decided to end things and that I should just leave you alone. I didn’t know what to do, I mean your father always scared be a bit. I figured in a few days I’d get you to talk to me. But then a few days went by and father told us that your dad quit, effective immediately and the two of you moved to the US. I didn’t even realise that Joe left at the same time. I couldn’t have cared less about him but now that I think about it, I should have noticed it. Anyway, after father talked to us, I started trying to call you again, but you never picked up. Until one day your father did. He told me that if I didn’t stop harassing you, he was going to call the police on me. I figured it meant that you really didn’t want anything to do with me. I was so mad, Emma. I didn’t know what happened, what was it that I did to make you leave so abruptly, without a word. It took me years to get over that. I felt so betrayed by you. And knowing that you hid my child from me for 12 years makes it really hard for me not to feel even more so,” Freddie admitted sadly.

“I’m sorry,” Emma whispered.

“It’s… well, it’s not okay, but I get that it wasn’t entirely your fault. But what happened? Why didn’t you talk to me at all?”

“You can’t imagine how terrifying it was. I wasn’t ready to be a mom, but I couldn’t imagine getting an abortion. It was this scary thing, you know. That they talked about in movies and church as this unbearably painful operation that leaves you infertile and that is so immoral, murdering an innocent baby. I mean having Haley today I’m so happy I didn’t do it, but back then it was more out of fear. I tried denying, to convince myself that I was only late from the pill or some reason, but in the end I got a pregnancy test and dad caught me with it. He was so kind, you know. He wasn’t mad at all, he took me to a doctor to take a proper test and everything. And when it was sure that I was pregnant and I told him that I didn’t know how to tell you, because I was sure you wouldn’t like it, he immediately offered to talk with you for me. I knew it wasn’t ideal, but I was too scared to talk to you myself.

“After his supposed talk with you, he came to me and told me that you didn’t want the baby. Joe overheard us talk and when he heard me crying he came over and tried to calm me. He even offered to duel you. I think that was the first time I laughed since the whole thing started. When I calmed down, dad asked me again if I wanted an abortion. Told me that he wouldn’t condemn me and he would help. I must have looked really horrified at that because Joe jumped in to tell me that it was entire my choice, but I had options if I wanted to keep the baby. Then they went into a long discussion about what to do. They asked me questions, but I was too overwhelmed to really contribute. Eventually they decided that we could all go to America. We could stay at Joe’s parents until we settled in and Joe would help with anything we might need. The hardest part was that you still kept calling for about a day, then you stopped. I guess that was when dad really did talk to you, right?”

“I guess,” Freddie replied. During Emma’s story he would periodically hold her closer or caress her arm when her breathing became laboured with unshed tears, but he listened without interrupting.

“Two days later I was on a plane with Joe. Dad packed things up and joined us a week later. That’s when you started calling again. I told dad, because I didn’t know what to do. I hated you so much for pushing me away like that. But then I started to hope that maybe you were calling because you changed your mind. I told dad, and the next time you called he picked it up and went out to talk to you. When he came back he told me that nothing changed, you were just calling about some of your things you left with me, but he handled it and you weren’t going to bother us anymore. God, I hated you so much then. I could have strangled you, but at the same time I felt so empty and powerless. Joe tried to get me checked for prenatal depression, but dad said that it was natural that I was down with all that was going on and not to worry me with such things.”

Emma went quiet for a while, and Freddie squeezed her tight, frowning at the ground. After a while Emma continued. “I guess Joe has really been a good friend in all this, and things would have been much better if I listened to him and not dad. I just wish I could ask him why he did it. I want to be mad at him, but how could I be when he just died? And I’m sure he loved me and did what he thought best, but he shouldn’t have made those decisions for me. For us. Why did he do it?”

“I wish I knew,” Freddie sighed. “Do you think father knew? I can easily imagine him having a hand in it. In this one instance I’m sorry he is dead. I’d like to see him try to explain.”

“He died?”

“Over ten years ago.”

“Then it can’t have all been him,” Emma said, not bothering to say he was sorry for Mr. Hamilton’s death. They both would have known it to be a lie. “Haley was such a sweet little baby. But when she was around two, she started to act strange. She ate a lot, but she kept losing weight. She was always thirsty, tired and irritable. Everyone said it was just terrible twos, but in the end Joe found a doctor who checked her out properly and it turned out that she had diabetes. It was so awful. I needed to inject her with insulin five to seven times a day, sometimes even more. Practically none of the kids’ foods were okay for her, I had to prepare everything at home from scratch and watch what she ate, how she moved, every moment of every day. Any mistake could have had such a horrible consequence. Practically the first thing the doctors told us was how easily she could lose her sight or her legs. And the insulin and the needles are so expensive. Now she has a little sensor and pump that continually gives her insulin and monitors her sugar levels, but we only got it because dad worked at a hospital. Without his insurance I don’t know how we can afford it and…”

Freddie interrupted her before she could work herself up into a proper panic. “You’ll never have to worry about that again, okay? We will need to work out the details, but money will never be an issue again when it comes to her health. And those doctors sound awful, scaring you instead of helping. We had a scare with Dana as well, but in the end it turned out that she is only lactose intolerant. But we had a very helpful paediatric dietician, I’ll look her up and see if she can take Haley on,” Freddie suddenly snapped his mouth shut. The next time he spoke his voice was so thin Emma had to strain her ear to hear even though she was only inches from Freddie. “Are you going back to the States?”

“That was the plan…” Emma trailed off.

“Please don’t!” Freddie pushed Emma away so he could look at her. “Please don’t take her away from me. I just got her.”

“I don’t want to, if you don’t,” Emma smiled in relief. “I mean we’ll need to go back, to prepare for the move and work out my notice, till I find a job and a flat here, but I promise you I won’t disappear again.”

“You know you can stay at the Halcyon as long as you like, right? Where are you staying now?”

“At a hostel south of the Thames.”

“Well, we can improve on that. You can move here, I’m sure there will be two rooms available.”

“Thanks. I was ready to beg you for money so I can’t pretend to be too proud to accept that. Haley will love it so much here!”

Another stretch of silence encompassed them as they both tried to picture what their new life will be like.

“Why didn’t you ask for my help when Haley got sick?” Freddie asked eventually. “Did you honestly think I wouldn’t help, at least with some money, if I knew she was sick?”

“I wanted to. That’s what I wanted to say before. Your father was dead by then, right? And I’m sure dad knew about that. If he only kept us apart for his sake then he would have told us then, right? I brought up talking to you after a particularly depressing session with the doctors where they laid out some of the costs and we were trying to work out how to afford it. Joe was there to help as well, and he also offered to help, and I asked them what they thought about asking you. Joe was adamant that we could make it work without you if I was really against, but that it might be helpful and easier if we involved you. Dad agreed but he was worried about what it would be like for me to talk to you. After a few days he told us that he spoke to you, but you wanted no part in any of it.”

“And you believed it?” The hurt was clearly audible in Freddie’s voice.

“The more I think about it the more I realise that dad set the whole situation up expertly. I don’t know why he did it, but he did. It was such a terrifying time and he was the one who was always there, my rock in a situation where I felt so alone. And I think maybe I didn’t dare consider that he might be lying, because that would have meant losing the only person who was looking out for me. I mean Joe was there too, but he had no… obligation to keep caring for me. I was nobody to her, and back then I didn’t trust that he would stay at any cost. Don’t tell him that,” Emma pleaded and waited for Freddie’s nod before continuing. “By the time things evened out enough for me to think clearly, I got used to the idea that you’d never be part of our life again.”

“And you never dated anyone?”

“Dating isn’t exactly easy as a single mom. And even if it was, I’m not sure how long it would have taken me to get over you, and what I thought you did. When did you start dating again?”

“Define dating. After your dad threatened me to leave you alone, I tried getting over you by sleeping with practically any willing woman for two years. Then when father died I finally had the courage to start therapy and I stopped sleeping around. There were a few girls I dated over the years but I never let anything turn serious.”

“So when did you meet your wife?”

“My wife? I don’t have a wife.”

“Then the mother of your child?”

“What child?” Freddie asked in confusion, but then he saw Emma’s eyes flick to the picture on his desk and he let out a laugh. “Oh, you mean Dana? She is not mine, she’s Toby’s daughter.”

“Toby has a daughter? But…” Emma frowned, trying to recall memories from her childhood, unsure if she could finish her question.

“Yes. Toby came out as gay as soon as father died. Literally. He introduced Adil to the family at father’s funeral.”

“That sounds like Toby,” Emma laughed.

“Yeah. They’ve been together ever since. They married five years ago and adopted Dana when she was born, last January. And you know what? Father was even worse to Toby than he was to me and still Toby is a wonderful father. Of course he’s got it easy with Dana, she is a little bundle of sunshine. But if he could do it, then I have faith that I can to. I certainly mean to try.”

“You know what?” Emma asked, inspecting Freddie for a moment. “I think you’ll be a great father too.”

They were still seated on the ground with their thighs touching, but they were turned towards each other. Emma wasn’t sure who moved first, and she didn’t care either as they met in the middle in a soft kiss. Before she could deepen it, Freddie pulled back.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” Emma whispered.

“Good. Because I want to try with you too. I want to take it slow, and focus on Haley, but I want to remain open to the possibility of becoming a real family. Is that okay?”

“I changed my mind,” Emma beamed. “I am _sure_ you will be a great father. Now,” she said as she stood up, holding out a hand to Freddie. “Do you want to officially meet your daughter?”

**Author's Note:**

> So? How did you like it? Sorry to the Garland fans, but I really don't like him.
> 
> I also like the idea of Toby and Freddie having their own brand of issues, curtsy of Mr. H. but that they would help each other overcome them. While Toby is prone to paralyzing fits of inadequacy and has trouble accepting that people love him, Freddie had anger management issues. He has it under control, but there are times that would test even the most peaceful person and finding out that you have a 11-year-old that was kept from you is one of those things. Toby also knows that, which is why he checked on Freddie when he heard he voices rising and why he made sure Freddie knew he would be staying nearby.  
What did you think of it?
> 
> Also I *love* well-adjusted domestic Toby x Adil and baby Dana is so cute in my mind!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](szonklin.tumblr.com)


End file.
